Today we continue our ongoing (and possibly one part) series about love songs that are actually not about love. Today we’re looking into I Would Walk 500 Miles by The Proclaimers, but what are the proclaiming? Not love. (Brownie break, I’ll be right back. Ok, sorry about that, you guys know how it is with brownies). Anywhooo… Back on task.
If you want to listen to the song play this while you read
The first strike against “I’m Gonna Be” (That’s the real title, I just used 500 miles because it’s well-known) is the excessive use of I. It’s not about love or about this girl, it’s all about him/them. Anyone who took Mrs. Robertson’s sophomore health class knows that you should avoid I words for some… reason. I didn’t pay attention enough to remember the rest. Although I do recall that class featured an inordinate amount of texting. But that’s beside the point. Or rather, it’s below the point, by about four lines.
Strike dos- After declaring that he will walk 1000 miles, our protagonist then states he’s doing it “… just to be the man who walked 1000 miles…”. Did you catch it? He’s not doing it for love, he’s doing it for his own selfish reasons. He wants to be walking down the street and have people whisper behind their hands, “There he is! That’s the man who walked 1000 miles!” He however, does not want them sighing contentedly, saying, “Isn’t that beautiful? The things love can cause.” Because, It’s not about love! It’s all about him.
Tres- I have severe issues with the choice of the word would. Would is not will, or even could. It’s very noncommittal. I imagine I would not enjoy a movie based off a cheesy 1960’s television show, and yet I will be first in line to see Land of The Lost. I would like to sleep in tomorrow, but I’ll be at school. Also, would is a very ambiguous word; because of it’s structure the past tense is not a different word, it’s the same word with an addition, have. So for all we know The Proclaimers left out the word have, and instead of writing about the labors of love they will go through, their singing an excuse about what they would have (see, so close to past tense) done. To sum up that rant, the main problem is the lack of concrete promises. Actually do something, don’t say you would.
and finally (unless I think of another) we reach catorce (I’m counting in U2 numbers)- There are no qualifications in the song. When will you walk 500 miles? Will they be consecutive? Who’s to say it’s a labor of love? I have gotten the mail almost every day for the past 8 years. My mailbox is at least 1/8 of a mile away from my house. At that rate I’ve walked 365 miles for my family. In another couple of years I will walk 500 miles. But it won’t be out of love, it’ll just be a tedious task. Of course not to say tediocrity (word of the day, right there) can’t be wonderful. Every day for at least 15 years, the first thing my grandpa did every morning was drive to the Speedway one mile away and buy my grandma a 72 oz coke. That small gesture was more than the Proclaimers ever did. Stop proclaimin’ and start acting (man their name makes this to easy).
Oh and quince (I was right, I thought of another, but I have no idea if Bono would follow 14 with 15)- What’s up with the dududuh part? Run out of vague falsitudes?
With all that being said, I really like this song. And the new MxPx version is pretty sweet. (Also, how awesome are their accents?)
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